Farthest Back in the Closet
Jamila Bey-Greenhouse

As I sat down to write this very article, the ring of my telephone interrupted me. A woman told me that she had been asked to call, as she was a perfect candidate to be a part of my story. But, within 30 seconds, I knew this woman was the farthest thing from my ideal. This person wasn't a candidate, as she couldn't even answer the first question, "Are you an African-American female who calls yourself an Atheist?"

"I call myself a non-deist," she explained. I asked the woman why was the reaction of strangers important enough for her to change the way she identifies herself.

"'Atheist' is offensive to people. I belong to Doubters," and she continued, "We're thinking about changing the name to 'Reasoners.' It's gentler."

Ten and a half minutes later, I made an admittedly lame excuse to bid my caller goodnight. And I fumed.

Why is it impossible to find a woman who is African-American and willing to use the "A" word? I realized that the reason I was so angry wasn't that this woman had wasted my time. Nor was it that she double talked her way around my simple question until even I didn't recall what it was. (The question was, "Are you an African-American female who calls yourself an Atheist?") I boiled because I know that as liberated as we are, as enlightened and tolerant of "diversity" this modern, Western culture claims itself to be, I am angry to know that I am wrong. I am only recently free, truly free, from my religious disillusion. I tore off the ill-fitting Roman Catholic dogma that was beaten into me, literally, as a child and as a skeptical and too-curious young adult. And while I burst forth from my hiding place deep inside that Atheistic closet, I had to fight my way through throngs still happy to remain inhabitants therein. And farthest to the back, (and dare I argue happiest to stay closeted) are other Black American women.

I have shaken the hands of Black women who admit themselves to be free of the belief in any supernatural higher power. Or freedom from all religious belief. But not one Black woman have I met in person, who believes as I do, would tell me that she claimed Atheism. I sadly admit, I've never shaken the hand of another African-American woman who openly calls herself, or identifies her religious affiliation when asked, Atheist.

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